People are only rare afraid of what they should be afraid of.
I’ve had several panic attacs in my life. Well actually I could count them on both my hands, but it was enough to be aware of them. The anxiety was absolutely debilitating, penetrating to my bone marrow and to my brain, leaving me trapped nside of me. I thought I am going to die or to become insane. Maybe you know it. It was MUCH stronger emotion than quite rational fear when I was laying in my bed with palpitatons, when my hair were coming out in tufts or when doctors said me that there is possibility I will never be able to have a child. I WAS afraid, but this kind of fear was never so deep and real.
As a med students me, my sister, my classmates, we are all little bit hypochondric. Or rather a combination of hypochondric and dissimulating. Everyone of us believed at least once that he/she had some (usually very rare and improbable) medical condition. On the other hand we are so unconnected from our bodies, we are pushing ourselves, we are putting exams and work over our health. I know too many people abusing some stimulants, overeating or not eating propper food, not getting enough sleep, being APPARENTELY unhealthy…
Once I had hematoma under my toe nail (probably due to extreme running) and I was convinced it is acrolentiginous melanoma (one of rarest and most aggressive types of melanoma). I made a sign on my toe and checked it anxiously every day. But come on, of course I didn´t stop my phrenetic running and destroying my body.
It is weird. We are afraid of getting sick, of dying, but on the wrong places.
And sometimes, we are afraid of living.
I think this combination makes recovery (and not only recovery from an ED, but from many other conditions, habits and traps) so hard. Fear is useful, maybe essential. With anxiety I am not sure, but it is probably normal part of the emotion spectrum. But how do we decide what is WORTH being afraid of in the time where a DANGER is so relative?
I wish I learn how to discriminate between worth and worthless (or sick) fears!
Today’ s little treasures:
- Apricots everywhere! I made 4 jars of jam (or marmelade? I am allways confused with these terms:))
- The after-rain-air. I love it!
- Jakub´s CD. Thanks!
dragons of normality 